thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
