I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
