If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize