his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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