We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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