yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Is it because I queefed?
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
