If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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