she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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