The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
