Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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