the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
