She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
