I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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