Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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