okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize