Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
