i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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