Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I am full of burrito and curiosity
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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