I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
