His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I cut my penus on the lid.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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