Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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