what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
