you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
