you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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