Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
another moral hangover. fuck.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
