the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Randomize
