actually, I'm a sock model
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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