The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
