There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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