My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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