Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
