"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
