a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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