32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
