strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
