There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
not ubering you a puppy
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
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