8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
