I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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