I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
