Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
