they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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