maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Randomize
