So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
