i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize