hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
