Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
