I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
