No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
