Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
