We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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