She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Randomize
