The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize