I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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