I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Dick very happy bro
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
