So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
