Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I licked your asshole in confidence.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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