well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
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