we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
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