Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Someone shattered a urinal.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
