Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
