i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Randomize
