I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
