It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
